Motherhood Surprises

Things that surprised me/I wasn't expecting when I became a mother.

-I was a great babysitter and enjoyed playing with kids, but the thought of having my own seemed was not enticing. When I started to want a family, I figured I'd be the type of mom to go back to work two weeks after giving birth. I would drop off my baby at daycare, slowing down just enough for a caregiver to grab the car seat while I yelled, "Tuck and roll, baby!" and then speeding away. Fifteen months later and I'm still at home. I've never been away from my baby for longer than five hours. The thought of putting her in daycare makes me physically ill. I miss the intellectual stimulation of full-time work and being around adults, but not as much as I need to hear the sound of my baby's voice all day and be able to hug and kiss her whenever I want. She's my whole world and I adore her in ways I couldn't even imagine before I became a mother.





-I thought I would be the strict parent and a total germophobe. NOPE! I'm a total pushover and nowhere close to a germophobe. I rarely so no. If she wants to play in a puddle - have fun! If she wants to pull everything out of my wallet - go to town, kid! When I do say no, I really mean it and she's pretty good about listening. I like to think it's because my "no" is rare, so it means a lot when I do say it. I don't wipe down carts before I put my baby in them. We're big into washing our hands, but otherwise . . . eh. I wouldn't say I'm go with the flow, but I'm definitely not as uptight as I thought I'd be.

-I used to love zombie movies and TV shows, action movies, and was fine with violence. I don't have the stomach for it anymore. Anything dystopian gives me anxiety. I'll just be thinking about how I would survive with my baby. How would I feed her and keep her safe? Keep her warm when it was cold and cool her down when it was hot? If there's violence, I imagine that all of those characters meeting their untimely deaths have mothers that carried them for nine months and sacrificed so much to keep them alive and help them grow into adults and then they get shot up by someone. Gross. Can't do it. I'm getting better about it, though. Starting with westerns.

-I used to love roller coasters. My postpartum to-do list included Magic Mountain. I went to a fair and rode one of those zipper rides. I was terrified the whole time and not in a good way. I've become unbelievably cautious. I wear closed-toe shoes whenever I'm driving with the baby in case there's an accident or I have to run from or to something with her in case of an emergency. I used to have fancy, fast cars. Now all I care about are safety ratings and center-seat latches. Seriously, bring me the dorkiest, boxiest, safest car. One of my favorite things in the whole wide world was jumping off of things into water. The higher the better. Diving boards give me anxiety now. I hope I grow out of this. My mom has been afraid of heights and flying and roller coasters for as long as I can remember. Her and my father tell me she wasn't always like this. I fear it was motherhood that did it to her and that I'm doomed to the same fate.

-I thought I would hate changing diapers. It's not so bad.

-Growing up, I was utterly embarrassed when my mom would eat from the groceries while still grocery shopping and try on clothes over her clothes out in the open. Guess what? I do those things now. I've come to realize it was because she'd forgotten or hadn't had time to eat or drink, because she was too busy working and taking care of me and my brother. As far as trying on clothes over your own clothes while standing next to the rack - who has the time, energy, or extra arms to deal with a child in the dressing room. If I can't try it on over my clothes or pretty much know how it's going to look, it's not being purchased. Honestly, it's less trouble to purchase, try on at home, then return if it isn't right.

-I used to drive cool cars. I still love them, but safety is my priority now. Now, I dream about center seat latch systems and overhead airbags. Bring me the safest, dorkiest, boxiest car and I'm happy. I couldn't care less about feeling cool or sany of that. Safety first!

-The safety first thoughts have bled into some strange parts of my life. Example - shoes. I used to wear flip flops and sandals all of the time. I'll wear flip flops around the house sometimes or if I'm running out of to the store right quick, but otherwise I'm wearing closed-toe, secure shoes. I think what if there's a car accident, earthquake, fire, or some other emergency and I need to grab the baby and run.

-Speaking of wardrobe choices . . . mom jeans. Look, things didn't go back to what they were and I don't have to constantly hitch up mom jeans, so that's where I am right now. I know they seem unflattering, but they're more flattering than the alternative.

-My pregnancy cravings were ice water, coffee, and soda. Fifteen months postpartum and I still want those things wayyyyyyy more than I ever did pre-pregnancy. I couldn't stand ice water - warm water only. I drank coffee and soda a handful of times a year. I drink ice water all day now. I crave coffee and soda regularly, but don't give in. This is the one change that throws me the most. Like, who am I?

-I cook three meals a day, at least five days a week. I never was one for eating out. I preferred grocery shopping and eating at home. I even brown bagged it to work. Going out to eat is bad for the waistline and bad for the wallet. However, I cooked maybe twice a week and lived off the leftovers or just had chips and salsa or a can of beans for dinner (always with a salad). Super simple. I'm not a great cook and I'm still not a fan of cooking or the kitchen in general (with the exception of baking), but I make healthy meals for my family, because I want my baby to eat well.

I'm trying to get back the parts of myself that I miss, that I think are essential to who I am, but the majority of the changes are just fine.